What's a Game of Poker?
by Ivan Alias
Summary: The new guys try to bond with their corresponding peers. Piter, of course, manages to ruin it, as ever...


Here we are again with another fun-filled, fact-filled episode with Eva and the rest of the new guys and the X-Men. As usual, I own nothing here, bar the four characters. Everything else belongs to their respective owners.  
  
By the by, I noticed for some reason fanfic doesn't like my normal separators, so this: '&&&&&&' is a separator.  
  
Kudos to anyone who guesses Sam's nickname's origin.  
  
And on with the show!  
  
&&&&&&  
  
Eva looked at Kitty with a raised eyebrow. "It's a what?"  
  
"A girl's night, y'know, since all the boys are hanging out in the kitchen, we thought it'd be cool if we did something the same."  
  
Eva still stared at the girl.  
  
"Y'know, we'd talk about guys, music, life, stuff, like..."  
  
"Uh... Why?"  
  
"Why? You need to ask why?" Lexy added with in surprise.  
  
"Well, being raised up with three brothers, I can't say I've ever hung out with just girls. Why exactly would we need to do this...?"  
  
Kitty stared at her, her mouth open. "You mean you've never had a girl's night? Not once in your life?"  
  
"Not really, no..."  
  
"Well then, it's definite. You are coming with us. Right now." Kitty saw Eva's worried face, and she sighed, folding her arms. "C'mon, you don't want the guys to talk about us girls and let them get away with it now, do we?"  
  
"Not really..."  
  
"Then it's settled. C'mon, it'll be fun, and we can find out about you and Lexy a bit better."  
  
"Talking of which..." Lexy added, "Are Piter and Dean with the guys?"  
  
A sudden howling from the kitchen reached their ears.  
  
"Never mind..."  
  
&&&&&&  
  
"BASTARDS!" screamed Dean. He pointed at Bobby. "BASTARD!" His eyes were almost bursting from their sockets, and froth was ringing his mouth. "YOU'RE ALL BASTARDS! AH HATE YOU! AH HATE MY LIFE!" He broke off, sobbing inconsolably.  
  
The guys stared at the spectacle silently. Kurt's mouth was open. Scott's eyebrow was raised. Bobby was in a mild form of shock. "Uh, Piter?" Bobby asked. "Is Dean usually this emotional?"  
  
Piter sighed at the quivering, howling mass that was his friend. "Only over poker, I'm afraid."  
  
"Dean, it's only two dollars." Scott added, looking at the boy with some distaste.  
  
"It's no' the money, man..." Dean whined, tears streaming down his face. "It's the principle. I hid the best haun' in mah whole life and that bastart-" he waved his hand, indicating Bobby. "-went an' beat it!"  
  
Piter sighed. "You had two threes and two sevens, Peachy."  
  
"Ah know!"  
  
"But earlier on in the game you had three jacks."  
  
Dean's ears literally pricked up at that. "Ah did?"  
  
"Three jacks are better then a couple of number cards, right?" Piter said, making furious hand gestures to the rest of the guys while consoling Dean.  
  
Scott caught on. "Oh, yeah, much more."  
  
"That's right." "Uh-huh." "Das ist richtig." "Indeed." The other guys chorused.  
  
Dean raised his head and sniffed, blinking back tears. "O-Okay then. Ah'll continue playing." He composed himself with a shuddering sigh, and picked up his new collection of cards, still looking very depressed.  
  
The guys were all hanging around the kitchen having assembled a small poker den. Most of the guys were there, except Jamie for obvious reasons. Ray wasn't there as he had to stay in his room, having to learn a piece of text for English. They managed to lock the doors and use conspicuous lighting in order to escape detection from the ever-watchful eye of Logan and Hank.  
  
So they managed to quickly assemble the circular table with chairs, cracked out a few drinks and snacks. Kurt – against popular demand – was wearing a poker hat. Scott was dealing. Dean was, as ever, overreacting.  
  
"So..." Roberto said slowly, looking at his new hand. "What's new?"  
  
Piter looked at him over his cards. "Nothing much, I'm afraid."  
  
"Scott?"  
  
"Nothing here."  
  
"Bobby?"  
  
Bobby shrugged.  
  
A sullen silence fell over the table as the guys looked at their cards or at each other. Piter opened his mouth, thought better of it, then opened it again.  
  
"Have you ever noticed how it is that girls can talk about the most inconsequential things for ages, but guys can't?"  
  
Kurt nodded "Many a time."  
  
"Why is that, though? I mean, humans as a whole like to talk, but guys often can't, while girls can do it at a drop of a hat. They don't even need a hat to do so."  
  
"I think..." Sam said slowly.  
  
"What do y' think, Telegram?" Dean said, his voice still clogged with tears.  
  
"I think it's because guys often don't find things interesting, and as a result, don't talk about things."  
  
"So..." Roberto said cautiously. "If we bring up an interesting topic, we should be able to talk about it for hours then, huh?"  
  
Piter pursed his lips. "Logically."  
  
"So, who knows something interesting?"  
  
Again a sullen silence fell over the table.  
  
"Actually..." Sam said. "I've got a question." He turned to Dean. "Why do you call me Telegram?"  
  
Dean smiled toothily. "Ah've got mah reasons."  
  
"Are you making fun of me?" Sam said, annoyance audible in his words.  
  
Piter waved a hand. "He's not mocking you, Sam. I know why he calls you Telegram, and it's not an insult."  
  
"So what does it mean?"  
  
"I'll leave that to you to solve it."  
  
"Oh, I can see why he calls you that, Sam." Scott said. "It's pretty obvious."  
  
"It is?"  
  
"Oh-h-h-h" whispered Bobby. "Is it because..." He whispered inaudibly at Piter. Piter listened then nodded.  
  
"What?!"  
  
Kurt looked sympathetic. "Don't worry, Sam. I don't see why they-" He paused. Then he snapped his fingers. "I got it."  
  
Sam looked more and more despondent at each of the guys. "Am I seriously blind here? Am I missing something obvious?"  
  
"Look, Sam, just listen to a bit of 1970's rock, and you'll get it soon enough."  
  
"70's rock? You've nicknamed me after a band?"  
  
Piter smirked. "Nearly there, Sam..."  
  
"It could be worse. You could have a nickname like Dean over here." Roberto frowned. "Why does Piter call you Peachy, by the way?"  
  
Dean opened his mouth, then he frowned. "Ah don't know..." He turned to Piter. "Why do you call me Peachy?"  
  
Piter thought for a second. "I don't know either. It must've been the fuzz you've got. Makes you look a bit like a peach."  
  
Dean sneered at Piter as chuckles sounded across the table. "Aye, well, at least Ah'm better lookin' then any of yous ever could be." He held his arms out. "Ah mean, whit woman could resist this sexy boady?"  
  
Groans came from every guy present. "Keep telling yourself that, friend, and that may someday, for some bizarre reason, come true. I'll take three cards." Scott quickly dealt out the cards to Piter, who promptly threw his unwanted cards back on the pile. He picked up the new cards, and held them out in front of him. He noticed Bobby looking at his cards intently.  
  
"Can I help you, Bobby?"  
  
Bobby shook his head, and slowly grinned. "No, no, I was just wondering why the way you were holding your hand was so weird. Now I see why."  
  
Piter looked back at his cards, his eyes raised. "Why what, does it look like?"  
  
"Well, not to put too fine a point on it, it looks a marijuana leaf."  
  
Sam looked at Bobby, then at Piter's cards. His face brightened. "Hey, he's right! I'll take two cards, Scott."  
  
"Y'think so?" Dean peered over Piter's shoulder.  
  
"Hey, no cheating, Dean!" Piter looked at his hand again. He then shrugged. "I guess, in a weird, card-like way, it does look like that. I mean, there are five cards, spread out at even intervals... Yeah, I can see where you're coming from."  
  
Scott sighed. "Why do we always end up discussing drugs when we're on our own?"  
  
"Cause thanks tae Logan's draconian approach, we're all now infatuated wi' the subject." Dean remarked. "I'll hive wan, thanks mate."  
  
"That's right. Blame the authorities." Piter smirked. "Whose fault is it that we have a blame society?" He shuffled his cards, then looked up brightly. "Here's an interesting fact... Do you know the first American law about marijuana was a law stating that it had to be grown by every household?"  
  
Roberto, Sam and Bobby burst out laughing. Kurt chuckled, while Scott and Dean looked at him disbelievingly. "Really?"  
  
"Uh-huh. It was put into practise in 1619 in Virginia." Piter grinned. "Now, what does that tell you about Virginians?"  
  
Bobby stopped laughing long enough to splutter: "It explains a hell of a lot about them!"  
  
"I hear that, Bobby!"  
  
Kurt shook his head. "Just when you think you know about Americans, everything gets turned upside down." He looked at the other guys with a disparaging eye. "Well, are we playing poker, or are we not?"  
  
Scott dealt out the extra cards without error. The guys looked at their cards, then at each other. They all put in the required bet of twenty cents. Scott looked at the person to his left. "Piter, what are you doing?"  
  
Piter chucked his cards into the centre with a disgusted face. "I fold."  
  
"Ya chicken." Dean flung in some of the few coins he had left. "Ah',m puttin' in fifty pence."  
  
"Cents, Dean."  
  
"Eh?"  
  
"Cents, not pence."  
  
"Gies us a brek man, Ah'm a Scottish boay, no' some namby-pamby Yankee. Naw offence." He quickly added.  
  
Scott sighed. "None taken."  
  
Roberto saw Dean's bet, and raised by twenty-five cents. Bobby saw that, Sam followed it up with another twenty-five cents. Kurt folded.  
  
"Whit tae do, whit tae do, whit tae do..." Dan whispered, looking at his cards. He then looked at Bobby, who was smiling. "Whit?"  
  
"You're bluffing, Dean."  
  
Dean looked insulted. "Ah am not!"  
  
Bobby smirked. "I saw that look of over-confidence before. You're bluffing my friend. I'll see whatever you're going to raise."  
  
Dean started to look slightly panicky. "Listen, there's no need tae be like that."  
  
"C'mon, Dean, why don't you just fold? You'll be doing yourself a favour."  
  
"Nut, Ah willnae." Dean spoke sharply, but it looked as if he was trying to convince himself more than Bobby. "Ah'll raise twenty cents."  
  
"I'm out." Roberto said with a grimace.  
  
"Oh, I'll see that, and I'll raise by forty cents." Bobby said, slyly.  
  
"I fold." Sam said, looking at the developing duel between the two guys.  
  
Bobby stared at Dean. Dean returned that look. Sweat trickled past Dean's left temple. Bobby's grin grew wider. Dean's eyes flicked suddenly to one side. "Ah'll see that, and raise by another forty."  
  
Bobby chuckled. "I'll see that and, just to put you out of your misery, I call." He put down his cards. "Two threes, two jacks."  
  
"Bastard..." whispered Dean silently. Bobby laughed gloatingly, reaching for the coins.  
  
Dean shrugged. "So Ah suppose these four queens don't beat you, then."  
  
"What?" Bobby's mouth dropped  
  
"What?" Scott's mouth dropped.  
  
"Was?" Kurt's mouth dropped.  
  
Dean grinned, throwing the cards on the table. "GET THAT RIGHT UP YEZ, Y' BASTARD!" He crowed, giving Bobby the accompanying gesture, getting up on the chair, and doing a little shuffle-foot.  
  
Bobby was still open-mouthed. "You absolute bas..."  
  
"Oh yis!" Dean sang, spinning on the spot. "It's cause Ah'm jist tae guid to be true..." He crooned. He reached for the money on the table, with Bobby's hands still suspended over it.  
  
"You-you-you..." Bobby whispered, still open-mouthed.  
  
"Aw, c'mon! You wiz getting tae big for your boots. You needed that."  
  
Bobby slowly started shaking his head. "How-how could you do that..."  
  
"You'll have to learn as I did a long time ago, Bobby." Piter smirked. "Dean's full of surprises."  
  
"You got that right, friend!" Dean whooped. He drained his drink with a long slurping sound, belched and clicked his fingers, grinning.  
  
Bobby had gotten over his shock, and was now heading towards depression. "That was my second-last dollar..." He said, misery etching his words.  
  
"Bobby." Dean said, smiling relentlessly. "There's an ol' Scottish sayin': 'Sometimes you just need to bend over and take it like a man.'."  
  
All the guys looked at Dean with a look that went beyond confusion.  
  
"Whit? That's an actual sayin'..."  
  
Kurt gulped. "Somehow, I'm glad I don't live in Scotland." He looked at the meagre pile of coins he had. "Shall we call it a day?"  
  
Piter looked at his watch. "C'mon, it's only nine-thirty, Kurt. Time for a few more games at least."  
  
"You can talk, Piter." Scott snorted. "You've had a good game. We started out with five bucks each, and you've now got ten dollars."  
  
Piter shrugged. "It seems as if fate is favouring me right now." He then frowned, his bright red lips twisting comically. "C'mon, another round?"  
  
"I dunno..."  
  
"Hey guys!"  
  
Roberto turned at the new voice. "Ray! C'mon in! Feel up to a game of poker? We can deal you in if you want."  
  
Ray shook his head. "I'm flat broke as it is. Besides, I don't like playing against newbies. They get all the luck." He looked at Dean, then Piter. "Besides, I wouldn't play against those two, least of all Piter."  
  
"Uh, actually, I think I will call it a night..." Piter said suddenly.  
  
"How come?"  
  
"...So, if you'll let me get my winnings, I'll..."  
  
Ray frowned. "Don't you know his power? It's hyper-analysing."  
  
"...Could you just pass me my drink..." "Hyper-analysing?"  
  
"Yeah, just by looking at the way you move and talk, he can tell if your lying, happy, being truthful... It's not telepathy, it's just interpretation..." Ray trailed off.  
  
"...So, if you lot could let me..." Piter trailed off, as he saw all the guys looking at him. They were looking at him evilly. Those looks did not bode well for his future.  
  
Piter cleared his throat, which had gone dry. "Well, I'll just be off..."  
  
"Oh no, ye willnae..." Dean whispered.  
  
"What?"  
  
Roberto raised an eyebrow. "Shame you forgot to tell us about this power before the game, eh Piter?"  
  
"Well..."  
  
"It was rather - how shall I say it? - convenient for you to let that slip, wasn't it Piter?" Scott said slowly.  
  
"Y'see..."  
  
"After all, you could use this power in a variety of ways, couldn't you?"  
  
"Not really..."  
  
You could use it to find hiding places, what people actually think about other people..." Sam said, anger growing in his voice. "...or, you could use it to cheat in poker, couldn't you?"  
  
"Uh-uh... Hang on." Piter said, backing into the wall. "Are you seriously insulting my honour by stating that I cheated at a card game?" He said, looking as affronted as he possibly could.  
  
"Aye. We are."  
  
Piter looked at all of the guys. He looked at his winnings. "Crap."  
  
"GET HIM!"  
  
&&&&&&  
  
Up in Kitty's room, Lexy tilted her head. "Did you hear something just then?"  
  
"No."  
  
Lexy shrugged. "Probably not important anyway..."  
  
&&&&&&  
  
"Where did he go? Where did he go?"  
  
Sam pointed up a corridor. "There he is!"  
  
A shadowy figure squeaked and rushed into the nearest room.  
  
"GUYS?! He's gone into the dining room! Circle round and cut him off!" Scott yelled. He turned to Sam. "Sam, go in via that door. I'll go through the side door." Sam nodded, and began sneaking up to the door.  
  
Scott quickly sneaked up to the other door. He was about to enter when he heard, at the edge of his hearing, slight breathing. He crouched down, bracing his foot against the opposite wall. A figure suddenly came into view.  
  
Without pausing, Scott lunged forward in a perfect tackle, bringing the person down heavily on the wooden floor. "Ah-HA!" He yelled. "Got you NOW!..." He looked carefully. "...Kurt?"  
  
"Ow..." Kurt added, rubbing the back of his head. "Watch who you're tackling next time, jah? You nearly broke my skull!"  
  
Scott muttered a hasty apology, and looked around at the rest of the dining room. Ray, Roberto, Bobby, Dean, Kurt and he were all there, but not Piter...  
  
Ray spoke everyone's thoughts. "Where did that sneaky bastard get to?"  
  
&&&&&&  
  
Piter almost chuckled out loud as he heard the guys attacking each other. They were sometimes so doltish. For all their training, they were little more than easily fooled teenagers. In all their excitement, they had forgotten about the fireplace, which lead up to the level between the second-floor ceiling and the roof.  
  
Ah-h-h-h, he thought. Is it not wonderful when things work out wonderfully? Oh, sure, they'll catch me later, but the key thing there is later...  
  
He skipped over a wooden beam, making his way to his dorm. Money... I love money... it's so nice.... You can get all sorts of cool stuff with it...  
  
He trod heavily on one beam which creaked, and shifted downwards significantly. Piter froze. He looked down, and saw the cracks that had suddenly formed upon his landing. He looked back up. He couldn't jump, the extra pressure would cause the beam to break... He certainly couldn't walk off it... Unless he lost some weight...  
  
He looked at his winnings, and sighed. He threw them to the side. What the hey, he thought. I'll get 'em later. Besides, now I can move-  
  
The beam creaked, and shifted down even futher.  
  
Piter looked down at the now wider cracks, and felt the wood slowly moving. He breathed in. "SHIIIIIIII-"  
  
&&&&&&  
  
The night was going alright, Eva had to admit. She had started to enjoy herself, even though some of the girls seemed to be hopelessly devoted to Orlando Bloom. She was starting to understand Lexy a bit better. She was starting to feel pretty good.  
  
There was a cracking sound, the ceiling caved in, and a figure in black fell in, screaming: "-IIIITTTTTT!!!!!"  
  
Everybody screamed in fright. Eva was the first to get up from the floor. The rising cloud of dust was obscuring her vision, but she could still see a figure get up drunkenly. "Okay..." the figure muttered. "Plaster dust is on my eyes... That ain't good..."  
  
Lexy coughed, and stared at the figure. "Piter?" She said, disbelievingly.  
  
"Lexy?" The figure replied. The dust was settling, and the figure was rubbing his eyes clear of the plaster. "What are you doing here..." He took in stock of where he was, and whom he was surrounded by. One thought filled his mind, and that was 'Uh-oh'.  
  
"What are you doing spontaneously falling through our dorm room's ceiling, Piter?" Kitty said, venom dripping from every word.  
  
"Eh-heh-heh... I was merely performing a little experiment! Yes, I was just seeing how much extra weight the beams could take before they broke. And, I have to say, I think I found it! Well, without further ado, my fair ladies, I will now vacate this premise – URK!" This development came about when he bumped into Eva, who promptly grabbed him around the throat, and lifted him off the ground.  
  
"Performing a little experiment, eh Piter?" She whispered. "Well, I've got another one. If I squeeze your throat hard enough, will your head pop off?"  
  
"C'mon, I wasn't –GURK!" He twisted helplessly in her grip. "Look, Jean's here! She's a telepath! She knows what really happened!"  
  
"Oh, I know what happened..." Jean whispered. Piter sighed in relief, or as much as one can do when in a vice-like grip.  
  
"In fact, I'm so sure of what happened, I don't even need telepathy to find out..." Jean stared at him, a burning rage filling her eyes. "You were spying on us, weren't you?"  
  
"No!" Piter squealed, realising things weren't going quite to plan. "Look, I was just..." He saw the girls look at him. He started again. "I was just..." He gulped. "I was-" Oh hell. Better try another tactic.  
  
"Look!" He croaked, pointing to the window. "Kurt's streaking out on the lawn!"  
  
"WHAT?" All the girls yelled, crowding around the window. Then they realised what happened. "PITER, YOU ARE GOING TO DIE, YOU HEAR? DIE!"  
  
&&&&&&  
  
Piter sighed with relief. Luckily the girls fell for one of the oldest tricks in the book. His room was just around the corner. He turned...  
  
...And there were all the guys, grinning slowly and nastily. He twisted around. There were all the girls, lined up like avenging angels. He was in a very bad position. He looked out the window. It was what, only two stories, it was only uncertain death... better then the alternative... "GET HIM!" Both groups chorused, rushing at him. Piter gulped, then jumped.  
  
&&&&&&  
  
"Well, I can honestly say, that was possibly the best meal I have had for many weeks." Xavier said, filling quite full from the resteraunt.  
  
"I concur." Hank said. "A little break from the institute is what we needed."  
  
"I can't say I was too sure about leaving all the kids on their own, though..." Logan growled.  
  
"Oh, they were being looked after by Scott and Jean. What is the worse that... could... hap-" Ororo stuttered, looking at the scene on the lawn with open eyes.  
  
Piter, screaming his lungs out in fear, was being chased by the entire institute, dodging the occasional energy bolt sent by Ray, jinking Sam's charges and Dean's diving attacks.  
  
"HELP ME!!!!!"  
  
"Actually, the more I think about it, it's only ten o' clock... Logan, could you show us the way to one of your fabled bars? I think we could all use a drink right now..." The adults left, leaving Piter with the rest.  
  
"NO! NO!!! NO!!!!! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE WITH THEM! TABITHA WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT- YOU'D BETTER NOT BE ABOUT TO- TO- NO!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Ende  
  
R&R everybody 


End file.
